Dissociation [Freeverse Poetry]

In Poetry by FaythFuILeave a Comment

Sedate me softly to silence my screams.

Inside, they echo, illness illuminated.

My pills pray, as they slide down my throat: “Fix this fucked up, dysfunctional woman”.

But I laugh, my eyes inverted, internal.

All she sees is this darkness, the depths of her madness.

She is not “I”, but an indistinguishable her, lost in the echo chambers of her mind, the outside world wondering whether to put her down or see her through.

For she feels deep in her separateness; the shade of the trees, the scent of the air – a gray haze, malaise.

It’s all a dream, descending to a nightmare, damning her senses, drowning her humanity.

For she is a thing, not a thinking being.

Her beingness left when her heart became bloated, bursting with hurt so deep, she could hardly breathe.

So she lost her beingness, her place in the world, condemned to floating, chest ripped open from an internal explosion.

Eyes aimless, shifting, searching but not finding. What tethers this floating girl? This thing?

For her lungs still live, her limbs are still limber.

She must feel still? Even in such a state – stuck in nowheres, siloed inside her own minds reality.

Does a heart-lost being still have the heart to hope?

Is it even possible? To pray time will mend, that tethers will be found and ribs can be rebuilt?

That sunken eyes can see again, the external wonder of the real, earthly world?

.

..

Can I be real again?


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