It’s just the caffeine, the chemistry, my remedy.
When dopamine and serotonin find themselves hiding in the no-where corners of my brain and the world vibrates in a haze of uncontrollable motion, I turn to a chemical that feels like oxytocin.
Because in my mind, is chemical warfare, thoughts altering chemistry, the past pulling at my memory, draining my energy.
I’m battling my chemistry, but all I feel is monotony, constancy of nothingness that is supposed to be everything. But is this my everything?
Is chemical warfare not war if no one else can see it? Because no one sees the pills I take, or the way my body aches, or the sound of my voice breaking.
They just see the caffeine and the perfect machine, functioning beautifully in their routine.
But who will intervene if not me? For addiction is wound inside me – an addict for work, for success, for a cup of coffee, no less, but at what expense?
The war rages while the light praises my future. But what is in my future?