So I’ve fallen in love…
Multiple times actually. Over and over, and over…
Falling in love is…funny.
See, when I say “falling in love”, I’m not necessarily talking about the idea of a man whisking me away on an island cruise filled with chocolate, kittens (and video games…).
I’m talking about falling in love with just people in general.
For me, my love has often been universal – I fall in love with friends, just as much as I’d fall in love with a significant other. But for my whole life, I’ve always fallen in love with very specific people first (which then usually leads to a friendship).
Interestingly enough, these people always start as strangers. Another face in a never ending crowd.
Now of course all of our friends or significant others start as strangers at first, but it’s another thing to feel pulled towards someone you hardly know.
It’s also interesting to note I only feel this way for one person at a time, and then move on to the next after the intense feeling finally fades to normal levels.
This may be because of my personality type (INFJ) – INFJs are dominated by their introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging instincts. This makes us very aware of our surroundings and the people in them. Our empathetic nature gives us additional insight on individuals we hardly know, and makes us very receptive to even the slightest change in tone or body language.
So being an INFJ just makes you a creepily observant, hopeless romantic, right?
N-no! Not at all, there’s a lot more to it (I swear).
Ever since I was young (like middle school age, the awkward years, ya know?), I always had one person, whether it was a friend, or a teacher, that I became attached to very, very quickly. Again, I don’t choose to randomly fall in love, it just happens – (and yes, half the time it destroys my emotions, and my perception of reality. Hopeless bundle of mushy feelings, remember?)
It was like when I saw this person, I would become a kid again.
I could feel my cheeks get red, my heart would start to race, and butterflies would flutter in my stomach. I’d just be bombarded with such an intense feeling of joy that I’d often fumble over my words and myself whenever I was near them. Typical “I’ve fallen in love” stuff, right?
Suddenly everything about them I liked – I’d fall in love with the sparkle in their eyes, the sound of their name, their laughter, things that they loved, basically everything about them.
Now this may sound like a typical crush, or whatever you may call it – but it happens with random ass people for me. Whether you’re 50 year old school teacher, or a face I know from class, it could happen.
I call this personal phenomenon the “Chemistry Pull”:
There’s some part of me that just knows when I need to get closer to someone. Again, I use “falling in love” as a universal term, because most of the time, this love I feel is hardly in terms of romance. It consists of a strong need for friendship, acceptance, and understanding. But the reason it happens has always been foreign to me, and more often than not leaves me extremely vulnerable.
I’ve been hurt by these people I fall in love with – many many times. But most of the time, it’s because of my sudden, overly intensive attachment and desire for the same love and care I’m putting out for them (which is always way waay more than what the typical person usually gives).
The whole occurrence of it feels unnatural.
It’s like I’ve had a spell put on me and they just pull me in, and most of the time, I’m unable to escape until I dive deep into the relationship and develop a friendship like a normal person (which usually makes me love them more), or until I separate myself almost entirely.
So am I just crazy? Am I destined to fall in love with anyone at any moment for no particular reason? Is there some foreign wisdom inside my brain that just “knows” these people are right for me to know? Or that I have to know them?
These are the questions of a hopeless, INFJ romantic, whose heart can bleed for just about anyone.
I don’t think I’ll ever truly find out why I am this way – but I know for sure that I’ll keep falling in love (with my luck, at the most awkward, inconvenient, and emotionally unstable times).
God, help me.
Do you understand and/or relate to this idea of love? Do you know anyone who experiences this, too? Am I just that lone hopeless romantic that I say I am? Leave a comment below!
With everlasting encouragement,