Numbing separation through body and heart, double in vision, double in mind, towards logic and emotion, emotion, firing farther, in motion, always in motion, motion and emotion, a silhouette of oneself through mind and body, words a blur, in and out through worlds unknown.
Senses heightened, but blurred together in moments of delirious vigor, my fingertips ready to paint the world in moments of liquid triumph surrounded by imaginative glory. But I’m blurred, my mind and body, unable to center, unable to focus. But in reality, I am focused on a new world, a new mind through ethereal function, through numb fingertips, scraping through feelings and labor breaths, through heavy eyes that bring more than darkness, but sensation.
I want to be held! I cry in my heart, with a smile behind my lopsided lips. I feel good, I think, and then I wonder, I wonder why the numbness kisses my insides, and question why this numbness is welcome. I suppose I don’t have control, I suppose my mind and heart are dormant. My logical mind and heart at least…because I cannot deny that my heart is screaming, crying, ready to be held in trembling hands, strong ones, loving ones, ones that were born to hold others when my own heart was always the one doing the holding.
I feel like there’s a mask over my eyes. Everything is trembling, but the Earth has its hands on my shoulders, it’s singing to me in my quietness, the cool air filling my lungs in every moment of every second. The Earth is grounded here, while I am gone, careless in this world, because in this moment I don’t exist. Time doesn’t matter, nor does life.
This heart is beating within a ghost, even though I never realized I was a ghost all along…but all I can feel is the pulsating beat of my insides as I float, my physical mind hovering miles above me.
It’s gone, she’s gone, I’m gone, but not lost. I’m in solitude.