I started writing this piece in my journal when I was in class, since this idea has been on my mind for way too long. I’ll hopefully expand on it even more, and add little bits and pieces in the future. I hope you like it! It’s dark, weird, and definitely rough, but I actually put my idea to paper, and that’s what counts (I have thousands of ideas, but hardly any of them see the end of my pen…)
But enjoy! Leave a comment/follow if you’d like to see more!
“So…what does your fear taste like?” She spoke, her fingers twirling the hair on the back of my neck. I couldn’t. I couldn’t revel in the trembling under my skin, or the stuttering of my heart.
“I wouldn’t know. I don’t feel.” I spoke, my voice level. Her twirling continued…tightening and tightening. I winced.
“I assure you that you do…” She smiled, displaying pleasure…emotion…freely, fearlessly. When I smile, if I ever do, I think of my biology, my anatomy. It is a simple action carried out by my muscular structure to have upturned lips on occasion. But as of now, I watch her. Her smile dances in fire as she takes me in, picking and prodding at my mental fortitude, the barriers I have placed around my emotional state. I can’t feel. If I do…if I ever do…they could find me…They’ll take me, strap me down. Suck out every bit of feeling I could ever have and use it as a source of eternal energy.“It’s for the good of society”, they say. What a wonderful contribution I’d be. But no one ever talks about how intoxicating it is…to those who want to devour the very center of your cognition. How it fills each empty hole inside of them, twisting their own inhibited emotions with their fresh taste of others, making them addicted within seconds.
As I think, I falter…anger, sadness, fear all flooding into every channel of my brain. I was never good at holding back my emotion internally as I do externally. Ever. Biology. You are just biology. Chemical reactions. Neural communication…adrenaline…h-heart racing adrenaline. Biology. Simple B-Biology.
She pulled me close, burying my head into her shoulder as she pushed my back against the brick wall. I could feel the coldness of her breath on my cheek. Venom and carbon dioxide. The scent of her victims’ emotions spliced up inside her.
“I can feel your insides fluttering…your response to fear? Or do I dare say…excitement?”
“Hardly.” I responded stiffly, keeping my voice as steady as possible.
“Well, either would do… because I’m getting a little impatient.”
“Can’t get your next fix fast enough, can you?” I said, feeling my shoulder blades sink. She began to tremble. Anger. I could feel it, radiating from her body, into me. Within moments, I felt a blade press against my side.
“You know how this works…if I don’t see one ounce of it… I-I will bury this so, so deep that you won’t be able to escape. I’ll make you mine – you’ll never leave me, even after I devour every last drop of you. A husk! That’s what you’ll be…Another doll on my shelf,” She laughed, her body heaving. I could feel her tears stream down the side of my face and onto my jacket.
I didn’t respond. It was a natural human response…your life dangling in front of your eyes…Fear. You can’t just condition that away like everything else. Your nervous system fires…pain to adrenaline…pseudo-emotion…forced emotion…good enough for her, although not nearly as fulfilling. At this point, I don’t think she cares. You have to let her take it – they’ll capture her eventually. Emotion Splicing is illegal, after all. It’s not worth your life.
I lifted my head from her shoulder and looked her in the eye. Her makeup was running down her face, her scarlet lipstick smeared across her mouth – blood seeping from an animal’s chomps. Remember… like you practiced…only small portion…anything more and your insides will be flooding out. I could feel the knife dig deeper into my side, and in that moment, I let a single tear fall.
She saw it instantly, dropping the blade and grabbing my face with both hands. Her eyes darted back and forth, her madness igniting behind every one of her features. I didn’t let myself recoil when her tongue ran across my one drop of sadness. Nor did I pull back when her lips met mine, her hands beginning to seize as she took me in. Just an ounce, that is all you’ve lost, there’s nothing else you could have done.
Biology. You are just biology…