You know that feeling you get in your chest when you see someone you really care about? That tingling sensation that spirals down from your heart and spreads all the way to your fingertips?
If you answered yes, you’re not alone – Granted, most (if not all) people could answer ‘Yes’ to this question. And for most, answering ‘Yes’ to such a question is suggestive of having relationships that add to one’s life in a positive manner. You have your laughs, your smiles, make your memories, and all seems right in the world.
But if you’re someone like me, who thinks way too much for their own good, close relationships (whether romantic or platonic) can be your light at the end of the tunnel, or the tunnel itself.
Just…take care of my heart, please?
I explained my concept of relationships recently to a close friend of mine. Since I’m more of an introverted individual who generally gives their energy to a only small group of people, if I spend my time with you specifically, that means a lot (like, a lot, a lot). I explained this concept to her like this – I either love you with my whole body and soul or hardly at all. If I love you, you will know it, because if I love you, I hand you a piece of my heart. I hold it in the palm of my hand and expect you to take it in the most gentle and sincere way, because I’m trusting you to hold that piece for the rest of your life (because if I give it to you, I’m not getting it back, regardless of what happens between us.) Now that may sound like a lot of weight to put on someone, but in reality, much of that weight is held on my own shoulders – in all honesty, it’s pretty terrifying.
As someone who overthinks themselves into the ground, giving someone part of my heart can either cause me to feel over bubbling joy or sinking dread.
I just can’t help myself.
I feel so much love for certain people that that love turns into the fear of ever losing them (and that piece of my heart that I gave them.) I find myself so wound up in my own act of loving that when I’m with someone I’m very close to, I actually feel sad.
Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy every single moment of their company, but my mind is like quicksand, and depending on how close I am to you marks whether that sand is simply at my ankles, or my chest.
So for those of you who overlove and overthink, how do you cope? Are you like me and find yourself focusing solely on the smiles you create and the laughter you provide? Or do you tend to isolate/distance yourself if you feel you’re getting a little too close? (Leave a comment if you feel so inclined!)
Does part of you wish you never loved them at all?
To answer this question myself – Yes. But, due to my capacity for love, I know that it would be beyond impossible to withhold my compassion, because these individuals not only hold parts of my heart, but parts of my soul. The same friend I mentioned earlier would be entertained by that statement, considering she claims she owns my soul (we enjoy dark humor a little too much…) – Of course she says this in all fun and games, but in reality, she really does own a piece of me, just as all my other closest friends do.
But, let me tell you this – if you are like me, you are not wrong for loving the way you do, because hopefully, when you hand a piece of your heart and soul to someone, they hand you a piece of theirs.
And in the end, regardless of whether your paths separate, their hearts have helped shaped you into what you know and love – so keep loving every piece of them while you still can. It’s worth it.