A Theoretical Mother

In Hey Life, It's Me Again by FaythFuILeave a Comment

Adrenaline rushes through me. My hands sweat, and I bite my lip fiercely till it bleeds. Tension fills my whole entire body, and there is simply no way for me to escape it. Not that I want to, for that fact. How can you get through this? I am technically your mother after all. I’m a pretty cruel mother. I created your next move, your next action, your next breathe, your fear, your happiness, and your success. Oh and you will succeed, I assure you.

These are a couple of the many thoughts that run through my mind when I sit down to write a story. I literally become a theoretical mother to any and every character I ever even think to put down on the page. Their words, their appearance, their actions… all manifest in the deepest parts of my mind. And the astonishing thing is… I can give life to any sort of person, or being I wish to. And the life I’ve solely chosen to create is the life of Kathryn Blake—the main protagonist in my now 225- page novel I’ve been writing since 8th grade. Through all of these years of developing her character, I’ve come to realize that writing is so much more than any of us have ever perceived. When I write, I get sucked into a whole other world. I don’t see, or hear anything around me, and I just… well… feel. Since I write in 1stperson, through the eyes of Kat, I literally become her. I say and do things I’d never even think to say, or do as me, Lexy, but only as Kathryn. I don’t write as her, she writes through me, as do all of my characters that I create.

If you couldn’t tell by now, my passion is writing. I think writing is one of the most expressive ways to show ones side of things, or express ones ideas, stories, and grievances’. (This all being next to creating art, because I just so happen to love art as well.) Developing a life outside of my own is the closest thing I’ve ever had to an out- of- body experience, and I will continue to have these experiences because I will never, ever stop writing. So why does this all matter? What can writing do for you personally? Well for one you can be a theoretical mother (or father) like myself, but… the most extraordinary thing about it… is you can create anything. That’s right, anything. Any world or person or being you can think of is just a pencil away.

Over a span of three years, I’ve developed Kathryn’s world, and made it real. Every day, I see the universe I’ve created in parts of the world I live in today. I hear the voices of my characters mixed with my own and some days, I even see through their eyes. Sometimes I’ll even say to myself- “Kathryn would love this… wow she’d hate this… how would she react to this?” The world of my novel Facing the Inevitable, or any world I personally create, always travels with me, where ever I go. It is almost meditative; to be able to immerse yourself in a whole other realm and not even have to think of your own. Imagine how therapeutic it would be if everyone could resonate with writing as I do. If we could all just leave the darkness and stress of our own lives behind and just let in an infinite flow of creativity, and creation manifest from the purest parts of our minds. I once read that when time passes in the blink of an eye, and you are totally immersed in your own being, you are at the highest level of inner balance and peace. This is how I feel when I write- I find myself just sitting and typing for hours upon hours, music blazing in my ears, not giving a notice to my familiar surroundings. And the thing is, it feels like I just sat down minutes ago…

I was raised to believe that living in the present moment was one of the most fulfilling and peaceful ways to live one’s life. You can just simply drop off any sorrow or regret from the past, and face the future as it was meant to be faced… within each minute of living, we are living in the future. We shall not dwell on the thought of years ahead, or centuries, we shall live in the seconds of our future, and not fret as to what will become of us…because worrying will only damage our souls and minds. Now, immersing yourself in the present moment isn’t easy, considering our past, and far futures are still very daunting. But that’s why I’m asking everyone to write. Create a world of your own, any world, every world. Create a warrior that slays a dragon and saves their kingdom; create a timid teenage girl that just graduated high school who is doing everything they can to find themselves. Create a universe that is entirely different from our own. Create anything. Because with creation… you no longer are thinking of your past, or future… you are bringing into existence the past, and future of your theoretical children, and we all know when you have kids, that’s all you’re truly going to be worrying about. So worry. Worry about these figments of beings and worlds in your head, because in all reality, that is the only thing worth worrying about. Live your own life in the present, and take your woes and grievances, and place them in the pasts, and futures of your stories and creations, because that’s the only place worth having them.

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